“You suburban ladies confuse me. You spend all this money on gym memberships but pay someone else to clean your house. Just clean your house if you want a workout.”
Brilliant. And yet I probably do little to the words that were actually spoken, as I can only merely paraphrase the witty wisdom that a neighbor friend passed along to me from her grandmother. Yet I hope the words I captured do the sentiment justice.
Just clean yo’ house.
You have to admit that her simple, matter of fact perspective does little for warranting a cleaning lady or that gym membership.
Yet we are a people of outsourcing. From cleaning to parenting, we know how to get the job done… and that’s to let somebody else do it so that we can focus on other things.
The things we find self value in. Yes, we know there to be value in a clean home and in well mannered children, but that does not keep us from passing on things of value to someone else’s care. Perhaps we simply recognize those individuals, whether a college degreed professional or a willing friend, as having the necessary expertise to accomplish what we otherwise could not. Or if we do indeed find ourselves fully capable, maybe we pass along responsibility not to diminish value or imply capability, but because we do not perceive ourself as necessary to it.
I value a well stewarded home.
I am not necessary to establishing a clean house.
Therefore I can outsource the task to someone more capable, or simply more willing, by hiring them.
I value a physically fit body.
I am necessary to acquiring a healthy physique.
Therefore I need access to my body, and conveniently a gym, so I will sign up for one.
As grandma pointed out, the two are rather conveniently connected, but before we can even make that connection we have already determined our value to the task at hand, both in establishing when our physical selves are actually required, as well as when we’d simply rather step aside.
We could do the same with regards to parenting, but grandma’s clean your house advice is probably a touch softer.
Although there is one question we should first be prone to wonder, or at least scratch our heads over a bit.
When did it become possible to even make such a choice?
Do such choices not seem just a touch luxurious? Sure, hire a cleaning service in the modern day, but in eras ago the terminology was more akin to having servants. Frequent restaurants, where we acknowledge the value of a well prepared meal but have removed ourselves from the actual preparation and execution, and you have yourself a cook. Whether or not that cook changes dependent upon the name of the restaurant is of no consequence. To have someone cook for us on a regular basis has become less of a frivolity and more of a commodity. Send our children to school in the mornings, extracurriculars in the evenings, and tournaments on the weekends, and unless the intentional presence of meals around the table and inquiring conversation, we are on point with the finer things of boarding school.
When did servants and cooks and boarding school, if indeed my parallels are fair, become so – well, normal.
More.
And not just more money, mind you, although money is most certainly a common thread, but more of everything. More options. More technology. More time. More resources. More dreams.
This too is not just a vying for minimalism, since minimalism suffers from ‘more’ just the same. A smaller house and less belongings perhaps, but still accompanied with more in its own way. More travel. More experiences. More rest. More knowledge. More followers.
Hiring a cleaning service may paint the picture of an elite suburbanite, but we all succumb to the allure of more.
And a fine job ‘more’ has done, for many things once considered a luxury have become an expectation we are most ardently willing to pursue.
So when our well laid future hopes and dreams do not feel most extravagantly considered, we exchange any road blocks for our own version of what is necessary. Our own version of more.
The more we have been given, the more ordinary ‘more’ has become. Strangely so did our assumption that we have the capacity for more. We feel we have all the capacity of the world, but we simply don’t. I don’t. You don’t. Yet our persistent aim for not only containing but thriving in more is persuaded by the belief that any step towards more is where satisfaction lies. We neglect the truth that it will cost us somewhere, and our false sense of being able to handle it moves far beyond any hope for contentment.
The real problem with more is that we become indebted to it. We expect that the road to more is the road to freedom, whereas the opposite is more often true. More will always cost something.
A clean house begins as a light-hearted example. The cost perhaps remaining a financial one. Save money on a gym membership. Save money on a cleaning service. Still uphold the value of both a healthy physique and a clean home. Ignore Grandma’s suggestion.
Yet not all plights for freedom are valued at so little a sacrifice.
And even where the sacrifice feels small, there lies a weight worthy of consideration. For what is really being valued here is beyond what first glance might suggest. Underneath the surface of simplicity, a desire for more – more time, more health, more spending, more clean, more like others. If we cannot “have it all”, if our capacity feels encumbered, we will simply find a way to achieve what there is not enough of.
Only when we are willing to dig below the surface can we know the provision of ‘more’ as a beautiful gift to steward rather than a desire we cannot fulfill or contain.
More is not as innocent as she seems. More will cost you. Yes, you may absolutely still find that the ‘more’ inherited is of greater benefit than to go without, but to naively think that you can walk into ‘more’ without losing anything is to presume you can walk into the ocean without feeling the rush of a pounding wave. The ocean can be a beautiful place, but even beauty has an undertow.
EXPOSITION: What is the more that you go after? More success? More land? More adventure? More followers? More money? More time? Consider it, write it down, and leave some room.
RISE: Before pursuing ‘more’, weigh its value: What is the cost to my wanting more in this particular area? Might it cost me financially? Will it influence my relationships or those under my care? Could it inhibit my intentionality with acquiring stillness and rest? (Not just rest as in sleep, but perhaps that too.) Does it compromise my values and how I participate in or communicate them?
In summary, the 4 Costs to Consider: Financial, Relational, Mental, Theological
Let every craving for more hold its value against these four pillars. You may indeed find that ‘more’ sits better as an allusion than as a steady place in the corners of your heart. And where ‘more’ is deemed healthy and helpful, you will know that it was pursued in wisdom and not in confused frivolity.
DENOUEMENT: “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.” (The wise words of King Solomon in his collection of writings)