Sharenting. A term I was previously unfamiliar with, but discovered all too easily when a phrase was deemed necessary to express why lifestyle blogging, and the accounts to follow, erupted as they did.
:the habitual use of social media to share news, images, etc. of one’s children
Or as a variant to the Collins Dictionary, the Urban Dictionary describes the word instead as such:
Combination of two words; parenting and sharing.
When parents share too much of their children’s information, pictures and private moments online, mostly on Facebook.
We perhaps share our children with the world in this way for a handful of reasons: pride, relatability, content. Though the reason that may ascend them all is a longing to be known, for if we are known then we carry influence, we hold rapport, and we earn trust. All of which are beautiful comforts to one who feels the sting of insecurity or the potential of failure. And of all that could bring us to such feelings of inadequacy, parenting goes unrivaled.
Though here enters a strange irony to our minimally guided efforts of social media vulnerability. Rather than building trust to then speak into one another’s growth as parents, we limit our value at mere empathy. Certainly an important starting point, but never turning brokenness into a place of thriving.
We are content to remain in pieces, so long as others know brokenness alongside us.
So again, here enter our children. And back to the original writing (On Display, January 17) that put our children center stage for our own entertainment, we now bring our children to attention for the appeal of our humanity. Though we are most assuredly deserving of empathy and understanding, our children become the brunt of our necessary reliance on community without gaining that consideration themselves. They then become the reason for their ongoing disobedience no more than we are for our ongoing failures.
Simply consider yourself for a moment, and imagine that you are wrecked with guilt, angered beyond consolation, or shamed by circumstance. All occasions which we might find a child in, yet can understand being there ourselves, perhaps simply relegated to more “grown up” content. With our guilt we would long for compassion, with our irrational anger, understanding, and with our shame, value. We might resist a voice challenging our behavior, but would soon understand the necessary call on our character. We may justify our skewed behavior, but if discerning enough to walk with the wise, would be open to hearing beyond our distorted perspective. And we would receive all of these where there is affirmation, understanding, and grace. We are not expecting to be coddled to, but we are expecting to be dealt with as human. Capable of, and requiring, great improvement, but all in the context of trusted intimacy.
Navigating your children towards obedience is less about the act of obedience itself, as that could be gained utilizing the power of fear, the avoidance of shame, or the lure of a bribe. All effective, mind you, but none of which elevate the child to a human soul, equally needing that of the same: affirmation, understanding, and grace.
We forget this when dealing with our children. We find their tantrums as irrational, and so brush them off as “of age”, harboring with friends of our child’s ridiculous antics that bring unwarranted chaos. We find their complaints as trivial, and so shush their screeching wines for the preference of meekness. We find their anger frivolous and send them to an unoccupied corner of the house where they can express their rage without disturbing the peace.
Perhaps too we do all of this because we are busy people, with work to accomplish, relationships to engage, and devices to tend to.
Parenting is no easy task, and if we are honest with ourselves, friends that required any equivalent amount of tending to would be relationally disengaged. Which is why we are relatively selective when it comes to our behavior with friends. We know that if we require too much we can readily be let go. And if we were to chat on this further, we would at last understand why marriage is one of the most challenging relationships to uphold. We are there not so selective with our emotions, and perhaps have a greater tendency to expect perfection from the one entrusted to deal with our most raw selves. A writing for another time perhaps.
I do not know that you could consider me a “seasoned” mother. That title seems best relegated to those with four or more children, and at least one having successfully gone through their teenage years – although “success” is probably a term left up for debate. Though nonetheless, I have had the way of motherhood beautifully modeled to me, and our two young girls have certainly exhibited all of the above more than once in at least the best way they know how. My insight will surely shift and blossom as I do the same in motherhood.
Yet if I may lend what I have found of myself, it is that you were created to steward the little lives entrusted you. Their reliance on your wisdom is not something requiring your insecure apprehension but your humbled protection, even if the former feels, at times, more prominent.
Approach them as those discovering the kindness of love rather than the remorse of challenge. Listen when they are irrational. Whisper when they are enraged. Reveal gentleness when they are aggressive and pity when they are shamed. Press into friends who understand and empathize, yet will engage your being better rather than your settling for broken.
You do not need the world – or social media – to justify your discouragement. You need friends to engage your humility, and there your legacy of love will be displayed in your children.
EXPOSITION: Where are you most prone to resort to when you feel challenged in parenthood? The expanse of social media or the intimacy of conversation with a friend? Do you go there seeking empathy alone, or do you desire the humility that will lend to maturity?
RISE: Whether tempted to share the struggles of parenthood publicly or to peruse accounts that will identify your own inadequacies, make an intentional decision to divert and reach out to a friend that can engage in your very real need.
DENOUEMENT: Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. (a Proverb of King Solomon)